Someone I know at work who is really into it was willing to let me borrow it...And I feel like telling her to forget I ever asked.
Everything I hear about this series is dreadful. Poor writing, sappy characters, a lack of...well, anything intelligent. I wish I were kidding about how bad it is, but judging from the synopses I've read (And the great rendition done by my pumpkin~), I think it would benefit me more to try and jam pointy things into my ears and wait for the blood to pool in the back of my head.
The names alone bother me! Edward Cullen? Mr. Sparkles, the sullen vampire who allegedly has such a bond with Isabella "Bella" Swan...
Okay, we're taking a detour for a moment. Fucking...Bella Swan? Really? Is she some kind of princess from a forgotten Disney movie? Are there vampires in that? To which they'll presumably fall in love, with at least 3 songs to accompany their love (at least 1 has to be from the bad guy, it's a given)? Oh, and the bad guy has to be another vampire who hunts because he's...well, a douchebag.
Her name has to be one of the worst written in the history of books. That includes Death Note. I mean honestly, who would name their kid something so unbelievably cheesy? I now thank my parents for giving me my very plain name. I could have been Alabaster Duodenum.
Okay back to Mr. Sparkles. So he allegedly has this bond with Bella, since they're so in love...yet in the second book his sister, an oracle, prophecies that Bella dies by jumping off of a cliff (which she does, but not for the suicidal reasons...though I wish she did. I really, really wish she did), and calls her friend Jacob to find out if she's okay...and through misinterpretation thinks she's dead.
This is written in modern time, mind you, so for none of them to have cell phones astounds me. And if they do...what the fuck, man? How bad was the reception on his phone that he thought Jacob would say he's at Bella's funeral? Don't you think he would, I don't know...confirm it with Jacob that she's dead?
I think it went like this:
Edward: "Hey Jacob, what it is Wolfie?"
Jacob: "Arrrr...ARF (Wolves bark, right?)! Nah just messin'. Whaddap, yo?"
Edward: "I'm just calling to see where you are, man. Where you at?!"
Jacob: "Wow...no. Bad vampire. I'm at the funeral, I thought you knew, man."
Edward: "Funeral...by gods, it's true! WAAAAAAAAH! BELLLAAAAAAAA!"
End Twilight-y shitty dialog. This is how it should've gone:
Edward: "Yeah, hey Jacob. Where are you?"
Jacob: "I'm at the funeral, man."
Edward: "Bella's funeral????"
Jacob: "No! The fuck is wrong with you?! This old dude I knew had a heart attack, I'm at his funeral...ya fuckin', melodramatic vampire."
Edward: "...So, it's not Bella's funer-"
Jacob: "I'm hanging up now."
Boom. I'm a fuckin' author. Probably a better one than Stephenie Meyer. Another thing that bothers me; In the second book (Which I've heard was bad, along with the fourth one. There's only four books...and half of them suck. Not good odds. Hell, I've read most of the reviews for all four and they got mixed reviews, mostly negative. That's definitely not good) Bella has a birthday party thrown for her, and receives a paper cut. Now, one of the vampire kiddies, who's on an "anti-human diet", whatever the fuck that means, smells the blood from what I must assume is the deadliest paper cut in history, and attacks Bella. Edward realizes she must be protected!
And leaves her, without saying a word, to find out how to protect her.
So much for that bond, eh? Who in their right mind leaves their beloved by themselves, with no warning or mention of leaving, in a city that's kind full of vampires? Hmm? Would YOU? Do you think you could do that? 'Cause if you can...you don't deserve love. Or to be loved, you cold bastard.
So while this all pisses me off to no end, I still thought I should give this series a fighting chance, either to affirm my hatred for it, or to, and I highly doubt it, like it somewhat. And that's a strong somewhat, my friends.
Yeah, I'm not going to try anymore. After everything I've read, I think I would rather have a coffee enema. Piping hot coffee. In my ass. That sounds like a party compared to Sparkles Samson and his band of vampires, werewolves, and people who just need a good thwacking going out on their merry adventures.
On a final note...Stephenie Meyer, if you should ever come on to LJ and read this blog, I have one thing to say to you.
Fuck you for bringing this shit into the world. I'm glad you got nice and rich off of this shit, but you've just dumbed down the IQ's of people who were already dumb enough to buy into this crap. You've just made the world less of a safer place, and for that you've become my number one nemesis.
I feel like making a comic about this.
Yeah, I love Zac Efron. I wanna...I wanna take him out to dinner and have him sit on my lap. Yeah. I wanna buy him donuts. And then eat them off of his body. Ooh yeah<3
Can you blame me? He's so hot! Like...it's insane how hot he is. While he's no Johnny Depp (Who's in a league all on his own), he still manages to make my loins tingle.
Didn't know humans had loins, but okay we're going with it...
Yeah that's all~
You figure after you spend a certain amount of time with someone, you'd get pretty close and supposedly have each others backs, right? Try telling that to some people who think it's more important to be part of something craptacular and nothing more than a dead end in creativity than to be a friend.
I don't think it's too much to ask for. You've stood up for this person when they were being fed to the dogs, and you knew they were right in their cause. You believed in them because you were on their side, even though the argument never had anything to do with you. And yet, the moment you get into some shit with the same people, the so-called friend decides to be diplomatic "out of respect".
Respect didn't seem to matter too much when you were talking shit about the person you were beefin' with. It also didn't matter when they had outside help from someone who shouldn't have even stepped into the argument. Oh, but now it does, because you want to pursue your talents in something that can't go any further than where you are now because it's being wasted on mediocrity.
But you want that, don't you?
To make matters even worse, the last time we were around each other, you were becoming the one thing you didn't want to be. You were too busy with your head up your ass you didn't even realize the air smelled like shit. Oh, and then you have the nerve to bring your arrogance onto me in conversation, as if I didn't know what I was talking about. You probably don't even remember it, because that's how far you've sunk.
You won't even so much as say hi to me anymore, because I'm no longer integral to your life. Thanks for being everything I thought you never were. I had hopes for you, but now I just kind of wish that whatever you do never gets any better than where it's at. Yeah, I'm going to be spiteful because you did the one thing that I'll never forgive: You disrespected me.
What's worse is that you don't even realize you did it. Good job.
Okay, I can't say it wasn't deserved. I had them friend me just so I could tell them that their band sucks, 'cause...well, they do. They're horrible. The vocals are incredibly shitty, and I'm not talking from a production aspect. The vocalist just can't carry a tune if they gave him a duffel bag, a tub, a costco shopping cart, and a moving box and told him he could use them all. And then gave him a u-haul truck to help carry all of what he was already carrying.
Nope, he would fail miserably at all that. That's the point I'm making.
So yeah, I told him this, and that you shouldn't post demos that aren't complete, or good for that matter. If there's one thing I hate, it's bands who post demos that sound worse than someone taking a shit into a car accident. I imagine that the example I've just given must be incredibly hard to have come to fruition, let alone record on an audio track, but that's what it would be like. Is it so hard to get something that sounds somewhat good ('coz decent is too much of an understatement for these people) and put it up so people can actually listen to your shitty band? You know, without having to shove sharp instruments into their ears to deafen themselves, and even blind themselves for fear that they can actually see your crap music in their dreams?
It can't be that hard, right?
So anyhoo, he writes back to me, and I quote: "it's just 2 d00ds with some spare time to jam and use shitty recording software. besides, what the fuck do you know about recording, you ugly piece of shit."
Man, does that just reek of anger or what?
I'm a little upset he opted for d00ds, that just comes off as 14 year old boy right there. He could have just used the regular dude, but no...he l337ed me. Damn. I may as well pack up my internet, 'cause I just lost.
Oh, and I love how he called my an ugly piece of shit! Ah, that's what makes life great. While it's true I have no formal education of recording equipment, I'm pretty sure using the shitty kind isn't your best direction. Then again, there have been plenty of bands out there who've used plain ol' tape recorders that have made better shit than this guy.
Now, I understand what I did was kind of mean, and that I should probably have told them in a nicer way that they do indeed suck. But that's not me. I'm a bit of a jerk. I think the fact that he would go to the point of insulting my appearance is a tad much, however. I never said anything about him being ugly...except for what I just said now.
I'm not a dweller though. Hell, I'll let you listen to them yourselves! You tell me what you think:
On my final note, if there's one thing I cannot stand above all else, it's people who take themselves seriously. If I say your band sucks, so what? Who the hell am I? Is it my fault you can't take criticism well? No, it's not. It is your fault, however, that your head is so far up your ass that you think whatever you're doing is so great that if someone has one negative comment against it that you would flip shit and go to insults. Good job on that, Abstract Myself. You win the mucho.
So here's the story: Megatron (My computer) was going all wonky on me, processing very slowly to the point that it would take nearly 5 minutes to load a page that would normally take .5 seconds. I found out that there were several (count: 12) infections on him, and promptly deleted them, thinking that would solve everything.
I was wrong. Dead wrong.
I tried to turn on ol' Mega, and quickly found out that it wouldn't go past the Windows XP loading screen. I cried for a while, and one day managed to get on and snag some files I really needed before giving up on him entirely. The problem went unfixed for about a month or so, since it would've taken over $200 to fix him, and, well...I'm broke. Until about a few days ago, my girlfriend's mom told me to go fix my computer and paid for the whole thing.
And I got it back today. It's so good to be loved~
So now that I have it back, I wanna say how pissed off I am that some people can't take criticism. I posted a comment on a stupid post, only to find out it got deleted because the person apparently can't handle the fact that what they said was complete horse-shit. Fuck 'em then. It's not my fault you don't know the difference between two characters. And quit having people lick your ass like the stuff coming out of there is the gospel truth. I think it's a pretty sad sight to have losers blindly agree with whatever you say because they think you're so fucking cool.
Guess what: you're not.
You're just some ordinary person who wants to be cool and somehow acquired "friends" who don't know their asses from holes in the ground.
Now that that's out of the way, fuck the PSP and Sony, too.
Their internet capability sucks so hard it may as well change its name to Dyson. Yeah, I updated that shit. Nobody buys Hoovers anymore, unless you're ugly.
You can barely look at sites on it, it can't handle images so you need to reduce the quality of them and then save them to your PSP to view them clearly. And in doing that, you have to close your browser to go to the photos section, and to go back you have to restart the browser. Fuck you Sony! I shouldn't have to turn this into some game of tag just because you don't know how to make a decent online tool! You fail.
Oh, and let's get into how it can't handle pages with a lot of data on it. It will actually tell you that it's too much for the PSP's tiny fagmo frame to withstand, and then pretty much blow up in your hands, leaving you with crispy nubs so you never forget why you lost your precious digits to such a piece of shitty hardware. Grr. It even says it can play flash, but once you try it pretty much states, and I loosely quote: "Sorry, we lied. Blow me if you're angry, 'coz I don't like your face."
It's something like that, I swear to god.
Fuck the PSP. It doesn't even have that many good games. I played Valkyrie Profile for a while, and man..that game is severely overrated. It's too long, the voice-overs are atrocious, and lord save me if it could have a worse armor/combat system. The fights get boring so quickly, and when they're not being a visit at your deaf grandmother's (you know, the one with the house that smells like cats, but you haven't seen one in like...4 years), it's unbelievably one-sided. Either you kick the shit out of enemies to the point where they boycott your presence in their home, or they beat the shit out of you so badly they may as well open up a colon detox business.
That game sucks, if I could give it a letter grade, I would opt for some unknown letter in sanskrit that sounds like two fat men vomiting out their bratwurst and miller lite snack after watching Monday Night Football.
They don't have MNF anymore, do they? whatever, I don't even really like sports.
What else...? OH! I got an XBOX. I only have three games: The Darkness, GTA IV, and Eternal Sonata, and I beat the Darkness with the speed of a cheetah in rocket car. In other words, really fucking fast. It was really good, too, although too short for my tastes. Just when I was getting into it, I find out I'm pretty much done. It had some creepy moments in it, too, thanks to the graphics and the fact that my tv resolution was kind of funny. I found myself jumping at certain objects or people, and quickly squirming away as my twin darkness eel thingies took some damage and bit out some hearts. Pretty nice.
I've been playing Eternal Sonata, and as great as it is (read: really great), I haven't played in about a week or so. I dunno what it is, I just haven't really been in the mood to play. I'm in an ice forest now, and I've noticed that in every RPG whenever I get to somewhere with ice, snow, or a Dairy Queen I always wish that I could somehow skip it. Or have someone play it. And then ask me to pay them for their services, only for me to tell them it's not that serious of a deal, that it's just business, bro (you'll laugh at this pumpkin~), and they need to get out of my house.
What was I talking about?
Oh, right. ES. Anyhoo, it's a great game, and I don't know how it's going to end, which I really like. I'm fixin' to get Dead Space, which I heard was delicious, and Gears of War 2. Oh, but I need GoW 1 first, so imma get on that.
Oh and I voted today~ I bet on black.
Fuckin' loser. I can't believe he actually got famous off of other people's comedic skills. I've heard the same thing about Dane Cook, and I have to say that it's true also. I'm disappointed at that 'coz I find Dane Cook funny, but you know what...if he's gonna become famous off of other people's shit then I shouldn't give him my support. I'd be pissed if someone became popular off of my stuff and didn't even credit me for it.
Fuck you, Carlos Mencia.
Hope, expectation, Bright promises.
The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised
The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.